The Return of ...

Well I’m stunned ... our oven has been repaired and is being returned this afternoon. It’s only been five weeks. We have become masters of the gas hob, the slow cooker and the microwave. I just hope we haven’t forgotten how to use an electric oven.

What a palaver! Ann and I almost said “Sod it” and went off to buy a replacement oven. This oven is about fifteen years old and parts were almost impossible to come by but Andreas, the man who apparently can repair anything electrical, has eventually found the parts. It will certainly make cooking easier - scouring recipe books to find things to cook in a slow cooker was fun to begin with and then just a bit of a bind.

The weather is grey and dull at the moment, although not as cold as last week. We cheer ourselves up with the guarantee of months of blue skies and sunshine (when no doubt we shall find it too hot), but we wouldn’t be British if we didn’t talk about the weather.

We have been back and forwards to Paphos recently (hospital trips and shopping for things we cannot find in Polis). I suppose it is a good thing that we have a large shopping centre forty-five minutes away but I’m a country boy at heart and would hate to live there. Kamikaze drivers are lurking around every corner (and they are not all Cypriots by any means) and it is marvellous to be driving out of town and heading for home.

We are both in rude good health, thank heaven, and long may that continue. The dry, warm weather for most of the year must help. In 2008 I was in hospital for a serious operation, and the cretinous nurse “looking after” me forgot to lock the bed. I sat down, the bed skated away and I hurt my knee badly. There was a bit of a fuss and doctors appeared mysteriously from all sorts of places. Scans and X-rays were ordered and then a very senior doctor came to tell me that the pain in my knee was not the result of my accident but early-onset arthritis. What a load of utter bollocks. I suppose they were terrified that I would reach for my lawyer.

Twelve years on there is no sign of the alleged arthritis. And this was at the hospital where I developed MRSA and spent a month there, not being aware how close to death I was. The NHS is lauded all over the place but not by me. To be fair the plumbing they did (coronary triple bypass) has worked brilliantly. But when I was returned to the coronary ward I was surrounded by familiar faces - all of whom had picked up an infection of one sort or another.

And Boris wants to shovel untold millions into the bottomless pit ...

Single figure temperatures ...

Well I suppose it had to happen ... the weather, which has been very wet, is drying up and the forecast is for evening temperatures to be in single figures. In fact on Friday of this week the temperature will fall to 2°C. It is reported that snow in the Troodos is 79 cm deep. Brrr!

I saw a lovely “meme” on Facebook which said that Christmas was now over and I’m ready for summer. Well it’s not quite the same for us. Of course we get fed up when it rains and the temperature drops, but know that months and months of blue skies and sunshine is only a few weeks away. But we wouldn’t be British if we didn’t talk about the weather.

I’ve been watching the South Africa v England test matches on television and it is a perverse pleasure watching cricket under blue skies whilst we have the log burner on. And to make matters even more confusing the Six Nations’ Rugby Championship starts in February. We have often commented that it is not always clear what day of the week it is (and that isn’t the early stages of dementia) but that it really doesn’t matter what day it is, unless you want to go to the bank (which we don’t).

We are still without an oven (and that is a long, long story) but hope that it will return in full working order this week. We have become expert in creating food in the slow cooker, aided by a number of cookery books we have acquired recently. Ann, in particular, has produced some marvellous dishes with the help of Jamie Oliver’s “Veg” cookbook. If you want to cut down on eating meat (which I suspect everyone does from time to time) then this book is highly recommended. We were initially put off as Amazon wanted to charge us as much for shipping as the cost of the book itself. But a kind member of our expat forum ordered it to be delivered free to his address in the UK (as he was going back there) and then brought it back to Cyprus with him. We had a clandestine meeting outside of Lidl in Paphos where the goods were exchanged for cash. The goods were, as you might expect, in a plain brown paper bag.

As promised ...

2020 is here and we embrace the future with relish in this golden land. This our eighth New Year in Cyprus and, although there have been some hiccups in the last eighteen months, we survived and intend to prosper.

With the political turmoil in the UK seemingly arrested for the moment I would imagine all British citizens living in the EU will be considering their options. Do we trust Boris Johnson to protect our interests? Not at all. Like health in Cyprus, you must ensure you take responsibility. Don’t expect the all-embracing care of the NHS. Will the U.K. abandon its citizens and no longer take responsibility for expat healthcare? Nobody knows and I suspect nobody trusts the government to honour its obligations.

To counter this, we applied for and received “permanent residence” here with the MEU3 form. The Cyprus government makes this available to EU citizens after five years of residence. It cost us some money to get it all sorted but worth every cent. We are also registered with GESY, which is the new health system here. At the moment the U.K. government pays for that (via the S1) but, if not, we can still remain in the system if we pay 2.7% of our income - which is considerably cheaper than private health insurance.

Of course it may all turn out as hoped but we are prepared for the worst. Tory, Labour, Lib Dem - they are all equally untrustworthy and we go ahead on that premise.

Onwards and upwards.

The reports of my death are greatly exaggerated.

Silent night ... or silent blog. The last few months have been incredibly busy, in a good way, and there has not been much opportunity to blog about our life in Cyprus. Worry not ... 2020 seems much quieter and so I shall resume my blog in January. Thank you for your messages and I trust you all have a marvellous Christmas and a super New Year.

At the moment we have the logs burning brightly in our log burner, which must count as the best investment we have made since arriving in Cyprus. The glorious weather of the last fortnight has at last given way to winter, with rain, thunder and lightning ... and plummeting temperatures.

Smoked salmon, and scrambled eggs and champagne are but distant memories from breakfast, and our leg of lamb (sourced from our super new butcher in Argaka) is ready to go into the oven - but not quite yet. In fact it must be time to open the bar.

Carpe diem ...

As summer reluctantly gives way to a bright and sunny autumn, which is always my favourite time of the year in Cyprus, I find myself in a reflective mood. 2019 has flown by and there have been many things (too many, if I am honest) to deal with. We are, by nature, both on the procrastination wing of life, and - by and large - this is how it should be.

Cyprus lends itself to this approach as nobody races around at breakneck speed (unless they are at the wheel of a twin-cab) and there is always tomorrow. But sometimes life intrudes.

Our journeys to Paphos have become more frequent, as some things are just not available out in the country. Ann travels regularly to see her consultant at Paphos General, and that is not stressful but time-consuming, and tiring. Next week sees us off to Immigration to hopefully settle our MEU3 application. No thanks here to the wretched UK government for trying to ruin the lives of British citizens living in the EU.

We have made a number of changes in 2019, and perhaps the most noticeable has been to engage Mick, a lovely pool man from Kathikas, who visits us twice a week (winter and summer) to make sure our pool is sparkling clean and healthy. I really noticed this in the very hot months when all we want to do is enjoy the pool and not clean it. Ann pestered me until I caved in and it was a very worthwhile decision. If you are following us to Cyprus, and decide a private pool is the last piece in the “living the dream” jigsaw, then budget for someone qualified to do this important job.

Although not a 2019 decision, our employment of Lisa as someone to clean the house and do the ironing was a significant milestone. Every now and again we have to remind ourselves we have retired to the sun, and so do not need to fill our time with domestic tasks. But Lisa has proved to be a godsend and we just leave her to it and go to the pub for a drink, safe in the knowledge that Daisy is keeping an eye on her.

Sitting here and gazing over the bay reminds me that we are very lucky to live the life we do. If you cannot decide that this life is for you, then consider that we all only live once. Carpe diem.

Esau is an hairy man ...

I look at the current fashion for designer stubble, straggly beards and the like, and I despair. In every walk of life slovenliness is rampant. I will be the first to admit that I hate shaving, and I have always hated shaving - and there are days when I don’t shave. And then I look in the mirror, or Ann makes a gentle comment, and I see the grey stubble and hate it.

Growing a dark, luxuriant beard is almost a rite of passage in Cyprus, as it is in many Mediterranean countries, and the beard must come as early as is possible. That is as cultural as the incredible moustaches many older Cypriots exhibit. However, watching U.K. television and the true scale of the decline of standards in British life is very apparent.

It may be a sign of ageing but I do not like it. Some men undoubtedly suit this style but, when I see the unkempt nature of others, I mentally grimace. Joe Root, the England cricket captain, is a case in point. If he doesn’t shave for the next ten years he will never manage to grow a decent beard. But he persists with his straggly offering and looks ridiculous in the process.

Even more ridiculous, and this has nothing to do with facial hair, is the position of the British Government and their lack of political nous. I have never despaired as deeply in my adult life when I see Boris Johnson floundering like a beached whale, as he seems unable (or unwilling) to deal with events in an honourable fashion. Cypriot friends hoot with laughter as they discuss the mortal plight of their former colonial masters.

Imagine being trapped in No 10 Downing Street with no power to influence the course of events, having “spaffed” your majority at the behest of that poisoned dwarf (your political adviser) and then being at the mercy of that cretin Corbyn and his communist apparatchik. There is a hell on earth, so it seems.

Ye Gods ...

Whereas life in Cyprus remains calm and stable, we both look with horror and incredulity at the political situation in the UK. So I’ll remain calm and not mention it until I have reregistered which will enable me to vote in the upcoming General Election. I first voted in 1970 and have voted Conservative ever since but I shall not be voting for the Conservatives on this and subsequent occasions. My vote will go to the Liberal Democrats as they have decided to revoke Article 50.

We were relieved that September brought milder temperatures and then somebody turned the thermostat and the humidity controls up, so we have “hunkered” down and kept cool. Daisy and the cats stay close to home and find the coolest places to snooze. Once the air conditioning is switched on, then they appear to luxuriate in the cool air.

Great fun with Cyta (our telecoms provider) when we decided to increase our internet speed. We decided to increase our speed from 10 Mb to 20 Mb (a steal at an extra €5,00 a month). Ann has discovered YouTube and often streams video when the tv is on. Hence some buffering ... not a problem except when the cricket is on. With the rugby World Cup a couple of weeks away, self-interest dictated an upgrade. All very straightforward except fo the fact that our speed stayed resolutely at 10 Mb. Contacting Cyta then told me I needed a new router to deliver the speed increase. Off to Cyta this morning to exchange the router and I had to explain what the problem was. The helpful lady told me that the speed increase always required a new router. Why hadn’t they told me when I applied? The “Cypriot Shrug” and a beaming smile was the answer. Back home, and after five minutes, we were cooking on gas.

In the Cyta shop we had a lovely example of the laidback lifestyle we love here. An English lady was at the next counter to me and was being dealt with by a very young woman. After a couple of minutes her mobile rang. She answered the phone and began a long conversation in Greek. The irate English woman demanded to know whether the girl was serving her. Wide-eyed the girl looked up and said, “No I am talking to my mother.” At this point I left. You’ve got to love Cyprus.